26. If you like it, then you should've put a ring on it.

Erica: I don't particularly love Beyonce, and no one would claim that she's the reincarnate of Socrates, but ain't it the truth? If you like it, then you should have put a ring on it. The rest of the song lyrics go on to say something about... "I'm in a club dancing with this hottie, so don't be peanut butter and jealous because if you liked it so much, then you should have claimed me when I was yours." Sarcastic, pitch-perfect auto-tuned words never rang so true.

Ladies, I hate to say it, but if he did like it, he would have put a ring on it. You can argue, "He has commitment issues." Yeah, and he didn't like you enough to get over those issues. Almost every guy genetically has commitment probs, but the good ones just get over it. Because they love you enough to push aside those fears. Take a good look in the mirror. Do you want him, or do you want commitment? Because you obviously can't have both. Assuming you want this commitment, look again. Are you worthy of your dreams of marriage? Or is he worth forgetting about those dreams?

Guys, don't be ridiculous. I'm not telling you sink your savings into a cloudy, yellowish blood diamond so you can propose to your girlfriend just because you like her. I'm saying take the shit or get off the pot. Don't ever think you're good enough or she's strong enough to be strune along. She will leave, and it will be your fault for making her break. Be man enough to let her go, while taking responsibility, or give her what she wants. At least have a conversation that reassures her. "You know I love you and I've told you I'd like to be with you forever, but I just want to tell you that I'm still serious about us, and I do have plans to make this more permanent in the near future." You don't have to give anything away. Don't let her pick out a ring for herself. Make your intentions known. For goodness sake... Jay-Z put a ring on it!

So this is my plea to the boys with no balls - if you like it, put a ring on it. If you were looking for a sign, this is your sign. And it's not too late.


Jill: All women daydream about is the moment her boyfriend, soon to be boyfriend, hell even her first date will drop down on one knee and propose. Not that we’re entirely obsessed with the idea of getting hitched, but it’s the same urge that prompts us to wonder what our first name and your last name would sound like together. Explains a lot about our college - ahem, junior high notebooks, doesn’t it?

And so Beyonce wrote a song. The song of all songs really. An anthem for single women hoping to get married everywhere. Finally something to replace "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" during the bouquet toss. The swan song for the soon-to-be bagged.

Men, it’s simple. If you like it, then put a ring on it. Women get antsy after a while. While being your girlfriend sure is nice, it’s nicer to have some future stability to rely on. When moms, sisters, uncles and other obscure relatives ask, “So what’s going on with John anyway?” it sounds (and feels) better to say, “We’re hoping to get married and settle down,” rather than, “He’s still trying to figure things out, and I’m supportive of that.”

Don’t get me wrong: being supportive is totally important. It’s basically the pinnacle of any relationship. However being supportive of your partner’s “need” to wait and figure things out while you can’t stop picturing your wedding photos on your desk may signal your need for a bigger commitment. And usually, it’s not you being crazy, or obsessed with marriage. It simply means you’re ready and maybe he’s not. If your man truly loves you, he should do whatever it takes to be ready. If not, let him go. He’ll have 99 problems, but a bitch won’t be one.

06.14.10 Update

Hello lovelies! We just wanted to take a quick minute to tell you that we so greatly appreciate every single one of you for reading and commenting on (digitally or in person) our little blog. We work pretty hard to pump out a couple articles every week, and knowing that someone reading them is the icing on our cake. And if one of you takes something positive from what we write, then we've done what we set out to do.

With that said, we're working on getting you some great male guest bloggers, racier topics, and hopefully a brand new interactive, flashy-flash website. So we're looking forward to the fun and new season. Keep the comments coming and send us some e-mails with relationship problems you're facing or see your friends facing!

Photo credits: Katie C.
Bathroom credits: Stacy & Matt H.

25. Pretty Petty Arguments

Erica: I can't remember any of the stupid arguments I've had in love and life for one simple reason. Because all those arguments truly are stupid. Trivial. Unimportant. A waste of time. Obtuse. There are so many things in life worth getting upset about - oil spills, racism, inequality, puppy mills... Why does it seem like the things we should pay attention to, we ignore? And the things that don't matter, we obsess over and bring back to life for years after they should have been squashed? We choose to disregard dozens of snide, hurtful comments because, "Oh he doesn't mean it." And we go crazy about shoes on the couch. Which one is truly more disrespectful, and most likely an indicator of someone's true intentions?

When a stupid argument begins, the best idea is to look it in the ugly mug and end it. "It's okay. I know you didn't mean to trudge through the house with mud on your shoes, but can you just remember to take them off so we don't have to clean it up again? I'd rather make out than clean." Get to the bottom of these seemingly small issues, both you and your partner. Why do certain things really bother you? Why do you feel the need to criticize? Why can't you forget about some things? And when your partner explains their reasoning as to why they were upset, you have to try to the believe them - even if it's a ridiculous excuse. Maybe just hearing yourselves say why you're actually upset, you'll won't get upset about it the next time. But go with your gut. If they tell you, "I just care about you so much," but you know that they're just trying to control you, call them out on it. That's an argument worth having.

The good news about life is that the older you get and the more experience you have with people, the less you care about these trivial arguments. If someone in your life likes hanging on to these silly little things, then it might be time to just let them go.

Jill:

Argument 1: She was “hovering” in the kitchen, meaning she didn’t trust him to cook dinner.
Reality: He feels insecure being watched, and she's just trying to help.

Argument 2: She nags him again about when he is going to get a job.
Reality: He doesn't want to face possible rejection, and she's worried that he has no motivation.

Argument 3: He’s angry that she doesn’t brush her teeth three times a day, especially before bed.
Reality: She's offended that he thinks she doesn't take care of herself, and he just worries about her dental hygiene.

Argument 4: She’s upset he doesn’t go to bed at a reasonable hour during the workweek, then sleeps away time they could have spent together during the weekend.
Reality: He doesn't like being told what to do, and she just wants to spend time with him.

At the time, these arguments seemed pretty valid. Yet, trivial issues fire us up and bring out the Mr. Hyde in us all. Horrible arguments usually conjure themselves out of thin air, escalating from an issue that’s so trivial, you normally don’t even think about it.

How do you avoid such arguments? It’s difficult to predict. If you feel like your partner continuously picks fights with you, you have to consider showing them the door, because it’s a completely unhealthy situation. Is this a person you want to share a life with? Someone who nitpicks your every move, starting a fight over something ridiculous?

Let’s consider valid arguments, though. Let’s say your girlfriend is still talking to her ex-boyfriend. She insists they are ‘just friends,” but it rubs you the wrong way and makes you uncomfortable. After approaching her about it, she gets hostile, defensive. A fight ensues and lasts for days, even weeks. How do you deal?

My best advice is approach it with a level head. If you are out of your mind angry about an issue, of course the person you are trying to be reasonable with isn’t going to perceive you as reasonable. You’ll look like you’re attacking your partner, rather than trying to prove an important point. Keep your cool. They’re more likely to listen if you’re not screaming so loud you can’t even hear yourself talk. Discuss why things upset you. Be reasonable, with an open mind and heart. If said girl you are trying to work things out with becomes irate and banishes you to the couch for a week over it, face the cold hard fact: your r-ship has sunk.