34. Valentine's Day... Doom or Delight?

The flying cherub called Cupid, lacy lingerie, the releasing of romantic comedies, "Goin' to the Chapel," and courtly love (not to be confused with Courtney Love)...

Breath a sigh of relief, or a sigh of exasperation - for it is Valentine's Day!

What can we deduce about this romantic day, once a religious observation now turned Hallmark holiday? Valentine's Day is certainly a mixed bag. Whether or not you have a hunny, you're either pro V-Day or vehemently anti. But the same truth remains: February 14th, every year, sure as shit, is a day to commemorate lovers, intimacy and the fact that you are dreadfully alone once again.


Jill: I think I only had an "official" Valentine twice, and that's excluding the years my parents sent me valentines with money and a box of conversation hearts. Valentine's Day as a kid meant just another classroom party with cute little cards, cupcakes and endless rounds of "Heads Up 7-Up," but as time went on, things changed. Suddenly in middle school you hoped, hell, prayed someone sent you a damn candy-gram, and if you're anything like my friends and I, we just sent them to each other. High school was a dreary scene. All the jocks and their snot nosed girlfriends walked around with red blinking bio-luminescent heart necklaces and bouquets of roses, just to further usurp everyone's power and reign high above everyone else yet again. I had one silly sort of Valentine in high school which yielded nothing more than a goofy card and a stuffed animal.

In college, I finally had a man for a significant amount of time which meant I was finally NOT single on Valentine's Day! Hooray! I labored over a cute little book I made of all our memories, bought him a small gift or two, and made a "romantic" dinner at my place. I remember being nervous and excited the whole day. But what I truly realized that it was like any other day, and all the hype surrounding it made me feel a little anxiety and actual disappointment in all the day had to offer. Don't get me wrong, I will always remember sweet Valentine's Day gestures, but some of my best memories with guys, or loved ones in general, occur unscripted. The cheese ball factor is fun the same way your parents taking pictures of you on the first day of school every year is, but it's also not enough to define what LOVE and a relationship is all about.

So I guess what I'm meaning to say is that if you have a significant other and enjoy being a little corny and romantic, giving into the hype of superfluous love connections abounding (undoubtedly Cupid fluttering about, launching heart-shaped arrows into people's asses), go for it. It's a little cheesy, fun, and exciting! But don't put all your eggs into one basket. Chances could be that your significant other may not believe in the big V-Day (or maybe more accurately called D-Day) or they just consider it another ordinary day. You gotta respect that and not get too upset that you didn't come home to a warm bubble bath with fine lavender soaps, a bottle of champagne, Barry White playing while your beau is putting the finishing touches on a lobster dinner for you. We just don't live like that all the time, and to EXPECT that extravagance and become disappointed when it doesn't happen is just as silly as the sight of 40 year old men crowding the card and flower sections of their local grocery store.

Does it really mean that much to get a dozen roses and a box of chocolates? Perhaps. That would be nice, but on Valentine's Day, that's pretty cliche. If you do feel the need to celebrate, do something a little bit more unorthodox to make it memorable. After all, you're just one couple in a sea of a million doing the same crap. May as well stand out a little. I will be spending my day with none other than my bloody valentine, Anthony Bourdain. He's speaking here in Philly and there's nothing else I'd rather be doing.


Erica: I've always been one of those people that looks forward to holidays. I wear socks with Santas on them for all of December, I think about hilarious Halloween costumes year-round (then never get the chance to go anywhere when the day arrives), and I make an outline for my "I'm thankful for..." Thanksgiving Day speech, trying to bring the right amount of knee slappers to my tear-jerking lecture. For Valentine's Day this year, I made a butt load of heart-shaped cookies and funfetti cupcakes with pink frosting and pink heart-shaped sprinkles for my family and coworkers. I found a cute rose headband that I could wear to work months ago. I just like getting into the spirit of the holidays. I like having something to look forward to.

In Valentine's Days past, my Valentine was usually my Dad. He bought me, my sister, and my Mom flowers - always different kinds reflecting our personalities. My Mom would get me candies and I would diligently look for the perfect Valentines to give to my schoolmates, being careful not to give the obvious "I like you" ones to the boys I did indeed like. When I started dating, Valentine's Day became a day where I could get excited about giving a gift that I stewed over for months. And then, finally the day of, I remember that I get something too!

Getting married brought on a new type of V-Day. Every day was romantic our first year, but after that, Valentine's Day is important because you almost have to force yourself out of the daily business of your relationship, to be lovey-dovey. To try and look at my beloved the way I did when we initially fell in love. When I became a cartoon version of myself, pupils became hearts, I floated on a pink cloud as a means of transportation, I spoke octaves higher and everything I said began with a sigh. Then I had a kid and V-Day became a guaranteed date night, which is always desperately needed.

But the intimacy we expect from Valentine's Day doesn't happen when you get another box of chocolates, another dozen roses, another dinner out. It happens when your husband finally remembers that you like tulips (not roses) and mint meltaways (not Russell-Stover-chocolate-covered-shit-in-a-box). When he keeps it together for you when you're late for your reservations and lost because your sitter couldn't be on time for once. When you're singing Jimmy Eat World classics down the highway, flawlessly executing two part harmonies only a couple that is truly in love could do.

So I'm a lucky girl. I love Valentine's Day because I happen to have a lot of love in my life. I love my husband and Amelia, my family, my friends, my job and my coworkers. And I'm not too rebellious to be happy on V-Day. I kind of hate my current circumstances in life, but with these people, I still have a lot of love.

And I love Jill, even though she's far away!