Erica: If you're in a dating, minimal commitment relationship, you can run. If you're married, don't run. As with all relationship issues Jill and I advise on, our first step to managing is to be honest - with yourself and with your partner. Get to the bottom of this problem immediately. Why exactly do you feel trapped? Are you just bored? Jealous of others around you? In need of attention (not necessarily a bad thing)? Mourning the loss of the spark from your relationship? There are a million reasons you could feel trapped when you really aren't.
When you tell your partner how you're feeling, he/she will most likely become defensive initially. They might think you're blaming them. This is all just a reaction of feeling hurt because you're not happy, and that could come as a shock to them. If they respond fantastically, keep talking. If they don't, you might want to leave the conversation and come back to it once they've had time to process.
If you want to stay with your partner, assure them that you're not going anywhere and that you just want to deal with these feelings before they consume you. If you need a break from the relationship... well then, hey. You need a break. If you think you need to see life without your relationship, you just have to do it. And you should never feel guilty about it. If you're married, you have to do something. You have to get help somewhere. Go get some counseling, by yourself and with your partner. It will help you deal with current issues and the ones you're bound to face in the future. I don't have much to say about this other than you have to be in charge of your life. When you're unhappy, make yourself happy. Make your life better. Hopefully you have an awesome partner that wants what's best for you.
Jill: I saw a great article about this a few months ago on a relationship blog I follow. A reader wrote in expressing her dissatisfaction with her relationship status. It wasn’t that she no longer loved her husband, but felt “trapped” in the sense that she wasn’t able to experience things other than being a wife. Having had married early, the reader felt as if she “missed out” on the single life. She never, however, would cheat on her husband. She needed suggestions as to alleviate these feelings without harming her beau. I think the columnist gave great advice, and I will recap some of it here.Firstly, it’s a very good sign that the woman realized what she was feeling and brought those feelings to light rather than let them lie dormant, risking a potential breakdown. When you find yourself in this situation and have assessed it thoroughly enough to know that you don’t want to break things off, you have to find healthy outlets in which to exercise your freedom. Explain to your partner what you’re going through. What’s likely is that your behavior is changing a bit, and your partner has noticed. Tell them that it’s nothing they did and that you will be needing their help to start feeling better about yourself and about your relationship.
Taking a “break” to do whatever you want is not quite in the cards. Think about it: You hate your job. Realistically, can you “take a break” from it longer than your 2 weeks without having eyebrows raised in suspicion? No. The best thing you can do is find better circumstances.
Engage in healthy activities. What do you like to do? Sing? Paint? Listen to music? Run? Research and get involved with groups or happenings that coincide with your interests. Maybe you just need a friend or something to get involved with other than your significant other. It’s healthy and normal.
Instead of sleeping around, now’s your chance to be more honest with your partner about what’s going on between you two and what can be done to fix it. Hopefully your partner is understanding and lets you engage in outside activities and without getting ruffled feathers. Plus, don’t forget your girlfriends. They’re like the magic elixir to getting you out of the rut you're stuck in.
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