Jill: Living together. It’s not easy. Cohabitation in its most basic form is creating a living habitat with another human being. It’s not easy for lions or other animals of the wild. Why should it be any easier for us? After all, we are animals.
It’s like this. People have rituals. They have certain ways they go about things in order to keep their lives maintained, balanced and manageable. For example, call me strange, but every night before going to bed, I have a little ritual. The bed kind of has to be in order before it’s in sleeping conditions. Pillows fluffed and in the right order. Sheet under comforter. Bed perfectly made and turned down. Even if I didn’t make my bed that day, I make it before I get in it and turn it down. Weird, ok? I admit that. Now take this one 3 minute thing I do. Times that by about 200. And add another person to it with their own things they do. Now imagine living together and the problems we all face.
It’s difficult. Making your (my) place our place takes a willingness to compromise, to bite the bullet and deal with a lot of the inconsistencies you may encounter. Because after all, a lot of fights arise from things being done in a way that you’re not used to.
Remember, this is your partner, not your sibling. It’s not ok to run to the bathroom and try to get in the shower first, throw their towel on the floor, lock them out and say, “Me first!” It’s not ok to use up all the hot water on purpose. It’s not ok to leave the dishes for the next person who comes along to do them. Treat your partner and their preferences with respect where respect is due. As long as they show you the same respect, you won’t keep finding each other utterly incompatible living mates.
Erica: Cohabitation means you live with your partner. You take your two living spaces and make them into one home. For some people, it seems like an obvious solution to the problem of taking their relationship to the next step. Others feel that cohabiting is a death sentence, an unnecessary risk that puts the r-ship in real danger, and should be saved for marriage because, well... you can't just divorce someone because they're a terrible roommate without sounding like a douche.
I've seen couples move in together, break up, and have to sleep in the same bed until their lease was over. Be prepared for that to happen. I've seen other couples move in and realize that it solved a lot of problems. The only way to predict if living with your partner will be successful is to see if their past living arrangements worked out. Did they share a room with a sibling growing up? Are they still friends with their college roommate? Do they respect your personal space as it is? Can you even fit in a double together? If all these things fall into place, you could probably be happy living in the same close quarters.
But it won't be a walk int the park. Your partner will see sides of you that they normally don't. And you'll have to accept their oddities and not let them bother you. What are you going to do the first time you fall into the toilet because he left the seat up? How are you going to cope with cuts all over your face because she used your razor on her legs? And no matter how many times inconsiderate and in-adaptable things happen, some people can't break their habits! It's because when you're at home, you don't want to think. It's just a comfortable place that you go to in between work and play.
So in conclusion, get ready to bend. Hold on to the little habits that make you feel like you're at home, and let your partner have theirs. Split up the annoying chores and each of you do them at your own pace during the week. And when all else fails, get two twin beds.
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