30. Meet the Rents

Erica: Meeting the parents... drying off sweaty palms for the first handshake with pops, shirt tucked in and buttoned up high as to not look trampy, hoping you don't have to choke down a mom-made ethnic meal, and praying to the relationship gods that they don't ask, "What are your intentions with my daughter/son?"

I haven't had many boyfriend/parent encounters that weren't awkward. When Dan met my parents, he actually had just paid for me to get my lip pierced, so that left a bad taste in their mouth. In high school, I introduced a new boyfriend to my Dad and they continued to talk about vintage cars for an hour while I sat silently. It was like I introduced my Dad to his new boyfriend. And another time in high school, my dog (Serenity, may she rest in canine peace) started scooting her butt across the floor in front of us and my Dad told my new boyfriend, "Erica taught her how to do that!"


Jill: Meeting parents. I’ve definitely had some odd encounters, but none that haven’t taught me a lesson.

Before meeting my last boyfriend’s parents, he said he wanted to wait a while, because whoever got introduced to the family meant they were going to stick around for a while, if not forever. As it turns out, that night, he sprung the meeting on me. He changed his mind, and an impromptu meeting session was in store. Being my normal clever and witty self, I pulled it off seamlessly, even cracking a few jokes to break the tension about being different races. All was good.

When he met my parents, it was after a late night out while home on break from college. My parents were loaded drunk, watching and singing along to a Neil Young concert from the couch. I was pretty mortified, but we always had a good laugh about it.


Here are our combined guidelines to introducing your parents to your boo, and for you meeting your potential in-laws (after all, they may become just that).

Guide to Meeting the Parents:

1. Arrangement - No surprises! Your parents and your partner should know what they’re stepping into. That way the element of shock, discomfort and embarrassment can be avoided, or at least lessened.

2. Timing - Meet each other's parents as early on in the relationship as possible, ideally when you're still just friends. Parents love knowing you're out with someone whose name they've been hearing for a while.

3. Timing again - Make the first meeting as short as possible, like 5 minutes tops. "This is ____, we're going to hang out for a few hours, and I just wanted to introduce you." Only allow a couple surface questions like, "What do you do?" or "Where are you from?" Have a quick escape. Nothing says nice to meet you like, “We have to get going to the movies. It starts in 15 minutes!”

4. Be your normal, polite self - Just be on good behavior. Smile a lot and say the things you learned in kindergarten like, "Nice to meet you," "Please," and "Thank you." Address the parents as Mr./Mrs. Don't add any unnecessary information into the conversation. It's better to be known as quiet than say something you didn't want to.

5. Do not talk down to or about your partner - When some people first meet other people in your life, they think the only thing they have in common is you. So they talk about you and sometimes that gets them to start saying things they normally wouldn't say. Don't say things like, "I'm so glad to finally meet you! Your son/daughter has been holding this off forever!" You're talking about their spawn which they deeply care for, so if you must say something, say things like, "Well you've done a great job raising ____." It compliments the whole family and they'll think you're observant.

6. After all is said and done, be honest with your partner about how it went. Assuming it went well, you can both exude a sigh of relief and move on with your day/night.