27. Gift Giving for Dummies by Matt

We thought we'd try something a little different for today's post. We asked a good friend of ours' husband to be a guest blogger for us, and he graciously (yet... manly-ly) agreed. He's gotten his wife things ranging from a car starter to get her through the cold winter, to a mega trip to Vegas. So enjoy the male perspective on the art of gift giving.

Matt: Hey guys, pay attention…

I am putting my inherent masculine pride on the shelf for a moment and admitting that, being of the male persuasion, I (like you) know virtually nothing about pleasing a woman. If I do please her, it is out of sheer luck. What makes her happy one day may not make her happy the next. We never know, so we just cross out fingers and dive in. However, I am going to help you hedge the odds in your favor with my handy guide to buying stuff for the unpredictable woman that you love.

As guys, we all know that the gift we’d like to give (for any occasion and to anyone) is a gift card. It’s a perfect guy’s gift - easy to acquire and entirely practical. However, women don’t like practicality. Women will like the most useless, menial objects just because they’re “thoughtful.” Ugh! How do we become “thoughtful” men? Why don’t women just want a super-useful pre-paid piece of plastic with which they can buy anything their heart desires?! While I can’t explain the “whys," I can explain the “how to's."

I knew my wife wanted a phone for her birthday (for this sentence you may insert, “I know my significant other likes to shop at [insert store here].”). But I didn’t know specifically what type of phone to get (insert: “But I don’t know what dopey outfit she wants from the store.”). So I decided to creatively lure her to the phone store, and then let her pick! It’s a cop-out that benefits you both! I just gave her a card with a little clue in it on a piece of paper. The day before I hid clues that led to different places (around the house, into the car, to the mall, inside a plant at the mall, and to the phone store). When she got the final clue and made it to the phone store, I let her pick what she wanted. So just write some clues (it’s not hard), get her to the store she wants to shop at, and then let her pick out what she wants – you never even need to know what she specifically likes! It’s like a gift card that also elicits the appreciation that may lead to sex! Double bonus!!!

Another thing I’ve learned is that girls love when they know you were thinking about them. Guys can easily go through an entire day without ever thinking, “Hmm… is my girlfriend/wife thinking about me? Gosh, I really hope so!” This is not so with girls. So, if you can bring a little something home to your woman when you’re out (even something which any man would consider a blatant waste of pocket change), DO IT!

I was out of town the other week and walking through a toy store. They had these little stuffed animals called Ugly Dolls (www.uglydolls.com – free plug). I’d never heard of them, but basically they are like “reject stuffed animals.” Dirty, ugly little creatures, but each one of them has a tag on their ear that gives a background on their character. There’s a whole bunch of them for all different character types, so it’s a guarantee that you can find one of these to match any female personality. I was reading though them all and found one that completely reminded me of my wife, so I picked it up. All guys are thinking right now, “Dude – you totally could’ve bought like three beers for the amount you wasted on a stupid stuffed animal.” WRONG! (Well, not wrong about the cost of three beers.) That stuffed animal was NOT a waste. My wife’s face lit up, and she was way happy because of the fact that the doll made me think of her. I would pay that cost every day to make her that happy, and if you’re with the right chick then you’d do the same. Another VERY easy gift that makes you look MUCH better than you should for the effort involved. Cardinal rule: Just because you think a gift is a complete waste of money and is something you yourself would never want, that does not mean it wouldn’t make your woman thoroughly blissful.

Sometimes we, as men, over-think gifts. Just keep it simple. You’d be surprised. Although, I probably will never make my wife happy with another gift again after writing this, because I know she reads this blog and will now know all my dirty secrets. Oh well – if I had to sacrifice myself for the good of my fellow man, I suppose it was a noble cause.