10. We like sports and we don't care who knows!

Erica: There is nothing wrong with liking sports. Hell, I "like" sports. I'll go to a Sox game on a nice day and eat some deliciously expensive treats with the people I love. This post isn't about that. It's about the partner that is obsessed with sports. Let's just go ahead and say it's the male partner. He cries like he just buried his Granny Rose when a game is lost. He's under the delusion that he had a part in the team's victory. If he wears his enormous jersey and goes to Sportz R Us bar, orders the triple cheese nachos and drinks exactly five High Lifes (Lives?), they have to win. It's an unwritten pact between the team and him. Most dates revolve around sports, either attending or remotely viewing. And when there isn't a game on, sports is the only topic that gets him going. Then one day... on your first anniversary, his buddies convince him that it's okay to have have a tattoo of his team across his shoulder blades. What a dream boat.

We all remember when Samantha dated the sports fanatic. His mood depended on who won the game each night. And then once basketball finally ended, Samantha exhaled (because she thought she was going to get laid), then hockey started up. Who doesn't know one of those couples? And another thing - why are guys that are obsessed with sports always so chubby? Why can't being obsessed with sports mean you actually play sports?!

Like I said, there's nothing wrong about liking sports and enjoying them with people you love. There is a problem when sports is the only thing you have in common with your partner, and when sports are all you actually care about. Good relationships are based on several points of common interests. Whether they be music, movies, education, animals, food, family, you've got to have several points that you see eye to eye on. Yes, sports can be one, but only one, of those points. It can't be, "We have so much in common! The Mets, the Saints, and the Lakers!" (You'll have to pardon my sports team knowledge; I'm obviously not one of these obsessed people.) That said, good people have several important things in life. Most of those things are people-oriented and not delusional.

Jill: So the other day, I’m driving to work, as usual. It’s a sunny day and I’m feeling good. Until I stop behind the most obnoxious vehicle I’ve seen in a while: decked out from top to bottom with Green Bay Packers shit. I counted six Packers bumper stickers. I saw a Packers Flag being flown proudly, yet idiotically. I look at the license plate, and to my horror, it reads, “PACK RS 8,” and what’s worse is that it’s resting inside a Green Bay Packers license plate frame. It was in that moment, I was reminded of the great percentage of Americans that are sports obsessed.

You know the type, and Erica described them accurately. Their idea of a nice evening, day or life in general revolves around sporting activities. If they’re not playing it they’re watching it. If they’re not watching a game or match, they’re attending one. And if they’re not doing anything I just mentioned, they’re talking about it incessantly. There’s nothing wrong with having a favorite sport or favorite sports team. But when sports consume your life, to the point your beau is getting pissed off at you because all you do is live and breath sports, that’s pretty fucking sad.

Then there's those people that are so sports obsessed, they take to watching sports they don’t even like just to fill the void.

“Hey man, The Hawks don’t play again ‘til Sunday!”
“Bummer, bro. Now what?”
“I heard there’s a sweet Laser Tag match on.”
“Sweeeet.”

Gag me. The only one thing that is worse than having a partner that’s obsessed with sports is a couple that is obsessed with sports. You’ve seen the type. Want to get married at their favorite stadium, make their guests show up in jerseys. Shit, the girl pays millions to get artificially inseminated by Greg Maddux. These people should drop off the place of the planet and life could return to normal. Until then, we have this blushing bride.









And these lovely assholes.

So the moral of the story is, "Go team!" But more so, "Go-people-and-real-life-situations-that-actually-affect-my-life!"