6. Re-dating

Life. It's about taking risks, making mistakes, and learning from them. Re-dating is repeating a monogamous relationship at least once. You know the couple: “I love her, I hate her, I love him, I loathe him, I can’t live without her, I never want to see him again!” Then you don’t see them for a week and you hear that they moved in together. Ah, life.

Erica: There’s a song I love called “People Don’t Change” by Limbeck. Of course, saying people don’t change is wildly pessimistic… but is very often true. Think about the times that changed you for the good. Was it not a difficult time? A time that forced you to grow? Otherwise, it was just the simple passing of time that allowed you change.

So why don’t we learn from our mistakes? Why do we believe our ex’s when they say they’re different now? When a relationship fails, we feel like we've failed, like it’s our fault that we couldn’t keep it together. But the reality that we need to accept is that not every relationship is going to end happily ever after. Instead we still feel that sense of personal failure and want to redeem it. Like in Pet Sematary II (sic). It's dead, but we want it back so badly that we're willing to put up with it being a zombie and trying to kill us. That’s why people re-date. It’s silly and childish but I have to say that the heart wants what it wants. You can’t blame people for re-dating. It’s probably in their genetic makeup to try and make something that's dead to live once again. Standing by and watching a couple become hot and cold 100 times is terrible though. There’s only one thing worse than re-dating - and that’s serial re-dater, Miley Cyrus.


Jill: Re-dating. Should probably be called re-really? I believe re-dating is hardly ever a good idea, unless, as usual, some unique set of circumstances makes this possible.

Whether you like to admit it to yourself or not, there’s a reason why the break-up happened. They don’t just HAPPEN. Sometimes it feels that way, but in time you come to realize why things just weren’t working out. Even though I hate this pretentious book with a passion, mostly because a lot of the information in the book is arrogant and untrue, the one lesson I took away from He’s Just Not That Into You was, “it’s called a break-up because it’s broken.” When you go running back to your ex that dumped you for a good reason, bad reason or seemingly no reason at all, you haven’t considered yet, why things aren’t working between you two. You’re hell-bent on trying to make things work and haven’t separated yourself from the situation enough to know that somehow, your relationship was doomed.

When you break it off with a guy, there are usually big issues, or a collection of small ones that bother you to the point to end it. Reminding yourself of their good qualities during a post-breakup self-pitying party will only serve to disappoint you when you two get back together. I’m not sure if anyone’s told you this, but people don't change. They just don’t. That’s why we date…to find someone who’s compatible with ourselves. Re-dating may leave you stuck in the same rut you (or your ex) tried to remove your self (them self) from in the first place. Is that the place you want to be?

Only very special people re-date. They’re either entirely devoted to one another in absence (in which case, I guess they wouldn’t be re-anything, they’d simply still be together) or some sort of trickery took place to separate them (The movie Wicker Park is a good, but unlikely example).

Trust me on this; re-dating is not in you or your ex’s best interest. The old issues will come up and continue to poison your future happiness together.