3. Dolla dolla bills ya'll - Part one / Advice: is it time to end things?

We've been asked to address financial issues for couples by some of our wonderful readers, but we're going to have to split each concern up into a few different entries. Today: who pays when we're out?

Who pays for what on a date? Traditionally speaking, it’s been a man’s role to be a caretaker and provider for his woman. Women stayed at home, took care of her wifely obligations and waited for her husband to come home with the cheese AND bacon. Although women have clearly stepped past that role, advancing in society and holding powerful positions in the workforce, much of the old sentiment of men being a caretaker are still prevalent.

Jill: The automatic and probably favored response to, “Who pays for what when we’re out?” is “The man, duh.” However, I’ve been in situations where I’ve been happy to pay for myself or have volunteered to cover the entire bill. Some women may think it’s nice to be paid for all the time. Well, it sure would be! Frugality is nice, but constantly being paid for and feeling like I’m not contributing personally makes me feel like a freeloader. I know such isn’t true, but I can’t help but feel that I should reciprocate the effort every once in a while. Men are human too and everyone wants to be taken care of (in some sense). Would it kill you to say, “Dinner’s on me,” every so often? I’m sure your man will appreciate it, even if he still refuses to let you pay. It’s a nice gesture that says, “I appreciate your company,” or “Thanks for coming out with me.” Also, don’t abandon the notion that if you’re doing several things that night, say bowling and drinks, have your guy pay for bowling (provided he offers), and then offer to pay for celebratory drinks afterward. You’ll both feel like you’ve contributed to the date and the fun you surely had together!

Erica: Although I agree with most everything Jill says about this subject, I have to address this one factor. Almost every guy I've dated would get upset, even angry if I tried to grab the bill before they did. They would act like I tried to put them in a baby-doll dress and push them around in a buggy. I'm not saying the guy should always pay. I am saying that you never refuse a free meal. Some men would rather pay, even when they have to put it on their Visa and instantly dread getting that bill in the mail. I guess it's a pride thing. Now I know some of you guys out there are like, "Pshya! I'd love a sugar mama!" But come on... does the name Jon Gosselin ring a bell? Kate was the breadwinner and he was driven into the arms of several other whores. (One of which looked shockingly just like me - see picture above.) He was emasculated. However, I always think it's nice to spend money on him when he doesn't know you are. "The bartender said it was on the house," or "I got this in the mail, do you want it?" "I have a gift certificate we should use," always works. Being sneaky for a good cause. In conclusion, I lean more towards this old-fashioned way. If the guy wants to pay, you better let him... and you better put out at the end of the night. _____________________________________________________

Is it time to end things?

Well, I have heard about this website, and have relationship problems. (Notice, in fact, I am a male.) Long story shortest... I met this girl at school. She isn't like everyone else, but that is what makes me happy. So then I found out she really like my best friend, and when I hang around with him she gets mad. But she is kinda still my friend, but we do get in fights a lot about how she... sort of doesn't do well with friendships. I always kinda talk about her, and joke about her, but people would not EVER think I like her. I don't know what to do at all. She is really great, but gets on my nerves with her loving my best friend. I don't know if I should tell her I like her, or not. I don't know when, or how. Now or then? Please help out... thanks!

Erica: Good for you for liking a "different" girl. Different girls like me and Jill are the best kind. How can someone be not good with friendships? Thoroughly confused with that. And why can't you act like you actually like her around your friends? I'm sure they pick up on it anyways. And she might pick up on it too. She seems to be jealous of you for hanging out with the guy she likes. Whenever she gets upset with you for talking about your friend that she likes, just be like, "Hey, he's my friend, it's not my fault. Date him if you love him so much." And it doesn't really sound like she really likes you. But that can be from you guys bickering all the time. Try to slowly become more honest about how you're feeling. No one can fault you for thinking the way you do.

Jill: This may be a classic case of the have and have-nots. Do you know if she's interested in you romantically? It seems like from what you're saying she may not even be interested in being your friend, seeing as she doesn't "do well with friendships." I think the best thing is to find out if she's interested in you. If she's really interested in your friend, instead, and that makes you angry, it might just be more painful for you to try to maintain a friendship with her because you'll always be reminded that you can't have her. Think hard about this one and find out what she wants. It seems like you already know what you want. I know it's a little embarrassing and you have to put yourself on the line a little, but ask her straight up. Take a walk after school or just when you two are hanging out, bring up that you really like her and you want to know if she's worth pursuing. Trying to guess how she feels (incorrectly) may only end in heartache for you (or not, but you may never know if you never tell her!).