Jill: Every relationship I’ve been in, I’ve hooked up after the break-up. Whether I did the dumping or I was dumped, time and time again, I ran back into the arms of my old lover. And I’ll tell you why. Because we’re stupid, we’re dumb, and hindsight’s 20/20. We know it’s bad for everyone mentally. But we do it anyway! And even knowing so, we’ll do it again next time! The truth of the matter is, hooking up post break-up is perfectly natural. You shouldn't do it, but it feels right because you are with your lover once more. But something's missing...
It’s hard to end a relationship with someone you’ve been physically and emotionally close to. When things aren’t working out emotionally, that’s usually when things are broken off. Chances are, one person is still emotionally invested and willing to save the relationship, even the cost of their sanity.
Post break-up hook-ups are usually the best kind of sex, too. Risky, fun, adventurous, etc. But at the end of the day, it doesn’t work out. You roll over and are reminded why, exactly, it isn’t going to work. Whether its a commitment or trust issue or just general incompatibility, you’ll realize that great sex isn’t going to make up for the other missing aspects of the relationship.
In short, don’t hook up with your ex. You’ll probably do it anyway. But the good news is, hopefully you will learn from it, or the pain you experience from it, or the pain you cause your partner will cause you not to do it again in the future.
Erica: Post-break-up hook-ups seem like a good idea at the time. You're lonely since you've been single. Maybe put on a couple raw cookie dough pounds. You're not getting the attention you used to get from the other singles at the bar. You don't have anyone to go to brunch with, or anyone that will stay in to watch Saturday Night Live with. This time is tough but it is necessary. Hooking up with a recent ex is like slowly pulling off a band-aid, ripping out every hair it passes, instead of just tearing the thing up and getting it over with. Sometimes we make the pain last longer because we think it's less blunt.
Getting back together with an ex and doing just the easy parts of the relationship is just plain cheating. Yeah, it gets you off in the end, but it's like you're taking a step backward in becoming a more mature, well-rounded individual. Some of us are willing to take that hit, and I feel like if you think you can justify a post-break-up hook-up, go ahead and have that learning experience. Guys are better at separating emotions from sex, so guy readers might be thinking, "I could totally do that and feel completely fine with myself the next morning." But then you'll just be trailing her along, and she could get really needy. And that's just a terrible situation that no one wants. Ladies, you know it's too hard. Don't send your ex the wrong signals. The signals that say, "I don't really respect what we once had, and I don't quite respect myself either." Act like a floozy, even though you aren't - you're just lonely. You'll find yourself in a messy love web and you probably hate yourself for it.
As we've said before, they're called "break-ups" because they're broken. And like we've also said before, that ex-relationship can become a friendship with time and hard work, but trying to "relive the glory days" never works out well for either partner. Especially if the glory days weren't that glorious to begin with.
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