16. She's fun, but is she the one?

If there's an opportunity to directly address our male readers, we grab it. By the balls. We were on vacation in St. Louis last weekend (thanks again Jodi, Josh, and Anthony), and came across a relationship in a pickle. This dude had to answer the question, "She's fun, but is she the one?"

Erica: First of all, I don't believe there is "the one." That would just be statistically absurd and I am not a romantic enough to actually accept that there is only one person on the entire earth that you could be happy with. But I do believe you can make a great decision when choosing a mate. Here's some qualities I think a woman should posses in order to be a worthy wife:

1. Yes, she is fun.
Does she make you laugh? Do you miss her when she leaves the room? Does she make an otherwise boring task not just bearable, but enjoyable? This will prove your personality compatibility. I'm not saying your potential wife has to be crakin' jokes and jazz-hand tap dancing all the time. I'm saying that you bring out the best in each other (the majority of the time), and just being around them puts you in a better mood.

2. She's independent.
If you want something to take care of, get a cat. If you find yourself dating needy women, you're not ready to be in any sort of marriage. It might feel good to be wanted so deeply at times, but if you take a solo trip, you'll find that if your partner can't function without you, then they're in no place to be in any relationship let alone a marriage. Trust me, you want a woman - not a child.

3. She's driven.
She makes plans, completes them. She sets goals and is taking steps to reach them. If your current lady-friend isn't very ambitious, when problems come up later in life, she's not going to be proactive in fixing them. She'll either ignore them or expect someone else to fix them.

4. She can cook.
So she has to be independent, but you want your wife to have caretaker tendencies. She must have the ability to let you be the man, and she has to have a sensitive heart. I don't think she has to literally cook... but you know what I mean. Cooking's just a perk.

5. She's not threatened by your family, friends, or job.
When you tell her she's #1, she believes you. She doesn't get upset when you talk to your mom on the phone, or if your buddies want to have a guys night. In fact, she encourages you to spend time with other people. She knows that she can't fulfill your every relationship need. And she doesn't think every girl that looks at you is trying to sleep with you.

6. She's hot by your standards.
She doesn't have to be a model. Let's be honest, guys like you don't wind up with models. But you have to be severely attracted to her, of course.

7. She makes you want to be better.
So although I don't believe in "the one," I do believe in the saying, "You'll know." Because you will know. You won't be asking me or Jill if she's it, you'll just know.

Jill: I agree with everything Erica said. Gentlemen, take a good look at your lady. Is she pushy, jealous, ugly on the inside? Narcissistic, pessimistic and generally mostly pissed-ed? Chances are these things means she’s not the elusive “one.”

Guys, you may be finding yourself saying: “But she can knock down PBR like a champ! And I’ve never been able to party with a girl like her! We smoke the same brand! She GETS me!” You need to grow up and see the above outline for what kind of woman you should be looking for. We're talking about wife material, not a female version of your bro.

She should have a kind heart and talk kind about her family and friends. If she’s upset, her reasons should make sense and be rational. She should enjoy going out and having her own life, but also make you a priority. She should be an overall cool person to bring around in nearly any situation. She can hang with the guys (that doesn’t mean make her all the time), talk to your little cousins, get along with your dog and avoid fights with your mom.

She should be fun, down for a good time, but doesn’t mind staying in with just the two of you. She doesn’t get jealous about arbitrary things and takes pretty good care of you. Basically, you know a good girl when you see one. They’re hard to find, but keep your eye open. We’re out there, you just have to know where to look. And don’t dump us for those witches who nag you but are stick-thin models. They’re fun for about a week until you realize you’re dating the pretty on the outside, ugly on the inside bitch in Shallow Hal. Then the joke’s on you.