8. Is a long distance relationship worth it?

Erica: I've only been in one "long" distance relationship. I was 16, didn't have a license, and he lived 40 minutes away. We saw each other every other weekend. I'm pretty sure I was in love, but I was so young it's hard to be certain. Regardless, it was so hard to go all day long thinking about someone and have to wait until the last 10 minutes of the day to talk. Then have to sit through another week to actually spend time together. And then every time we hung out, the first couple hours were always awkward because we had to become reacquainted. I don't regret any part of my past, but we have to ask: is a long distance relationship worth it?

Of all the long distance relationships (LDRs) I've heard about or known, I only know of one that actually succeeded. They're married and happily ever after now, but I know those few years living at different ends of the country were hell. But even so, I have to say that LDRs are worth it.

Most LDRs are more work than regular ones. Before you even start dating you have to answer the question, "Do I have the balls to make this work?" You have to take hours to schedule talk-time, sending mail, e-mails, presents, organization to be able to meet, etc. But all that work makes the rare time together that much sweeter. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, of course. But if there are any sort of trust issues between either party, it's like a death sentence. The relationship is doomed if you can't believe 100% what they tell you. If you think something's up, there's no way of finding out if what your gut says is true. And if you're wanting to do that, might as well end it anyways and not drag it out. Another problem is the general feeling of loneliness. Yeah, you have someone, but if you needed a hug from them, you'd have to travel for it. When you're out with your friends and their partners, it's like you don't have anyone even when you do.

Here's what I believe it takes to make a LDR work. It emotionally takes trust above all else, strength, patience, and a belief that love conquers all. It logistically takes even more. Although it costs money to visit, any time you get a chance, go. Public transportation, hitch a ride with anyone heading that way, go through the couch you're sitting on and hit up the Coinstar, take an air balloon if you have to. Anything that proves "if I could possibly spend more time with you, I would." Long distance relationships take creativity. You have to send flowers randomly, be waiting at their car as they walk out of work, pay their roommate to make breakfast for them and put a card you made on the table, making them a playlist, e-mail a list of things that reminded you of them that day, sext if that's your thing (warning: do not do if you currently have or will ever have enemies). In a sense, you have to be more romantic in a LDR than in a regular relationship.

It takes belief in the unbelievable, but if a relationship can endure distance, chances are it will survive most anything.

Jill: I’ve never been in a long distance relationship, but people very close to me are and have been. So while I can’t speak from experience directly, but here are some things I’ve picked up on.

Not all LDRs have to be a split screen sadness. With enough patience, loyalty and love, LDRs can be just as fulfilling, if not more fulfilling than a traditional relationship. Clearly while in a long distance relationship, you won’t be seeing your significant other as much as “normal” people see one another. You have to handle frustrations that are born out of the distance factor without chewing one another’s heads off and blaming each other for things that are out of your hands. Also, when it comes time for relocation, compromise is the biggest factor. I’m probably the biggest believer in making love work, and if your partner isn’t willing to relocate or meet you halfway on the location issue, you’re going to have to consider where your relationship is heading. Just like in any other relationship, you have to be willing to compromise, and moving for someone is the biggest compromise of all. Things must be discussed, planned and thought about much further in advance than normal relationships. That means to say if your partner has a problem talking about the future with you, it’s a safe bet things aren’t going to be moving in the right direction. If they are, that’s a sure-fire way of knowing they want to make things work no matter what it takes. And something that good can’t be bad. I agree with Erica on the romantics. While I can't fathom not having my partner physically around, some people simply have to endure the distance (for one circumstance or another). That makes romantic gestures that much more pronounced. You'll know if your partner's really into your relationship based on their loving gestures, because they are going to be coming from afar or a third party. In other words, what you're lacking in spontaneity should be made up for 10 fold through romantic gestures.

Today's technology is on your side. Don't miss out on love because you don't think you could handle a long distance relationship. And if you're already in a LDR, hopefully you appreciate all the good aspects of your situation, like how many times you get to hear "I love you" in a day.